Free the Tobler One!

At a time when Tory benefit cuts are taking thousands below the breadline, it’s good to turn to a campaign about something that really matters – addicts of Toblerone are incensed by the manufacturer’s decision to shortchange them by thinning out their famous chocolate triangles.

Just as well the bars aren’t the government’s responsibility, or we can well imagine the spin.

‘The public,’ intones Ian Duncan Smith in pious tones, ‘have given us a clear message that they’re not prepared to see extravagance in these fancy Swiss products when hard-working British families have to get by on wagon wheels.’

‘It’s a sign that our policies are working,’ adds Damian Green. ‘The smaller quantities will encourage people to work harder so that they can afford to buy more.’

‘And a message for the moaners,’ throws in the Supreme Treeza. ‘Not only has this nothing to do with Brexit, but we’ll soon be importing much bigger and tastier chocolate bars from India.’

The real test of government spin, though, is going to be the spat involving Prince Harry and media coverage of his relationship with the delightfully named Meghan Markle – an echo of the Farage look-alike Monty Muckle in our Lady Thatcher’s Wink.

Both Treeza and her inadequate – ahem – lord chancellor, Liz Truss, failed to make any protest at all about the shameful tabloid trashing of the judiciary over the Brexit ruling. What are the chances of a similar silence over a routine slur on our blessed monarchy?

We expect a Tory explosion before close of play. Meanwhile, free the Tobler One!


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