When The Boris met The Donald – world exclusive

‘Nice hair-do, Don.’

‘Nice hair-do, Bo.’

There was a close meeting of minds and a self-congratulatory love-in today, Wink can reveal, when the two transatlantic heavyweights met for the first time via a satellite link.

‘And great sound-bites! I loved that rapist Mexicans line. We couldn’t get anything close to that with Brexit. We’re too bloody PC over here.’

‘But I remember those ‘immigrant go home’ buses your prime minister sent on to the streets when she was home secretary. That was about the time I said there were no-go areas in London because of the blacks and muslims.’

‘That was brilliant! And I accused you of ‘stupefying ignorance’, claimed you were out of your mind and said you were unfit for the office of president.’

‘And that could be right, Bo. We don’t know yet. We just don’t know. But we’re sure as hell going to keep on saying we’ll Make American Great Again.’

‘Whatever that means.’

‘Or doesn’t. And perhaps it doesn’t, Bo. Perhaps it doesn’t.’

‘Like our Take Back Control thing. Pure balderdash, but a great slogan, Don. And then the promises! Are you really going to build that fuggin wall?’

‘Are you really going to pump all that money into your irrational health service?’

‘Are you really going to bring back industry to employ all those deadbeats in the rust belt?’

‘Are you really going to build a Britain that works for everyone?’

They laughed raucously for some minutes.

‘But that’s all in the past,’ Johnson said. ‘Today I’ve accused your opponents of staging ‘a collective whinge-o-rama’, I’ve snubbed those pathetic European leaders and said you’re a great wheeler dealer we can do business with.’

‘And I think I’ve said something nice about Britain, Bo – to that funny little guy Farage, at least.’

‘And this time we mean what we say, don’t we, Don?’

‘Course we do, Bo. Course we do.’

 

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